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When Parallel Parenting is the Only Option

Parallel parenting is when parents are committed to being an active engaged parent but need to be disengaged from each other.
(1 min 43 sec read)

Dave Chartier
A single co-parenting dad, a freelance writer and former syndicated dad blogger with work published in USA Today, Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal.
On April 26, 2019 |

Parallel parenting enabled co-parents to move beyond high conflict situations but maintain a close relationship with their children. There are many reasons for parallel parenting, and all of them have to do with some form of conflict. In short, parallel parenting is when parents are committed to being an active engaged parent but need to be disengaged from each other.

It is a proactive attempt to reduce the amount of conflict in your child’s life. By creating more distance, providing a more formal and rigid structure to the co-parenting plan and communication, reducing interactions thus reducing opportunities for drama.

Does a parallel parenting plan spell the end of co-parenting?

Not necessarily.

It is a measure to drawn down the drama and ultimately set your children up to maintain a close relationship with both parents. It does mean taking a dramatically more prescriptive approach to a shared parenting plan by providing greater detail and providing schedule changes and adjustments in writing beforehand. You need to be mindful as to whether you share joint legal or joint physical custody since the implications are different.

Simply put, if you have shared joint legal custody you can delegate decision-making across different areas to each other. For example, dad may make decision for certain sports and activities while mom makes decisions about matters pertaining to church activities and after-school programs. Whatever the item, there needs to be an agreement between both co-parents for this to work.

Understanding this, you may consider using third-party professionals to help mitigate these agreements. Keeping in mind dividing the co-parenting decision-making is not necessarily a legal one, you do not need to hire a lawyer to make these changes official. For example, in the coParenter app, you can connect with an on-demand coParenter professional (cP Pro) via GetHelp with your co-parent and iron out the details. Once the details are approved by both co-parents the agreement can be drafted and the terms (when applicable) be enabled in the app. For example, if some terms affect your custody schedule it can be added to your in-app schedule.

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