Even as early as 12 months of age, a child can be observed by researchers to have a “secure attachment” with his or her parent(s) or an “insecure attachment.”
There have been some studies which suggest that this can be a contributing “risk factor” for developing a personality disorder including the behavior we see in child alienation cases.
There are many important lessons a child must learn in their early childhood attachment relationship(s) that a child is not born knowing (many people don’t realize this):
- A sense of security that her/his basic needs will be met
- Confidence that problems can be solved one way or another
- Awareness of what s/he is feeling inside
- Awareness of other people’s feelings
- Learning to “read” other people’s moods Learning to “read” other people’s intentions
- Learning that s/he can manage her/his own emotions
- Learning that s/he can manage her/his own behavior
- Learning that s/he can be flexible in new situations
- Learning that s/he and others can be different and still be okay
- Learning that s/he can influence others and be influenced by others
- Learning that s/he can reflect on her thoughts, feelings, behavior
- Learning that s/he can change her thoughts, feelings, behavior
- Learning that people have a combination of good and bad qualities
Excerpt from Don’t Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce. By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Published by HCI Press www.hcipress.com
About Lori Denman-Underhill
