The largest issue that arises in the dynamic between co-parents and stepparents is whether a stepparent should discipline the child.
This is by far one of the leading issues that family law judges deal with in child custody and visitation cases. Disciplining a child by a parent is very personal. Often couples, when they have a child, discuss how they will discipline them. Even if there isn’t a discussion at some point there is a disagreement with how one parent disciplines.
At a later time, the couple terminates the relationship, but the child and the disciplinary issues are still present. Now add a new partner to one of the co-parent’s lives and you have a situation where there are three and sometime four adults in the child’s life that are potential disciplinarians. This is where parents must agree or have a child-recommending counselor get involved so there is a solidified agreement on how the child will be disciplined.
No matter what the disciplinary style, there must be a discussion. Courts in California will typically indicate that the stepparent must follow what the parents have agreed on. If the stepparent disagrees they can, without being accusitory, have a conversation with the parents and state their opinion and why and how it would benefit the child. This kind of communication may be hard at first but all that matters is that all the adults and parental figures are on the same page.
As with all childrearing, communication is an integral to making sure that everyone that is a parental figure in a child’s life is on the same page on all issues. Blended families can be a gift to a child. It often opens them up to other cultures and other points of views. As long as everyone can see the benefit and keep the focus on the child and not on broken relationships versus new ones, the child will grow feeling loved and supported.
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