KID-EASE: The Positive & Encouraging coParent
Welcome to KID-EASE, a caring advice column to help make your life easier as a coParent in dealing with the ups and downs of raising your child/ren in today’s family and world.
Dear KID-EASE: Can you please suggest positive feedback that coParents can give their kids? How can we stay positive when the other parent is negative – without talking bad about the negative influence?
KID-EASE: Here are a few of the Basic Do’s and Don’ts of coParenting and parenting in general. Think about these and stay positive. Find a way to share these with the other parent (even if he/she is negative) or find a professional who can talk with both of you about Positive Parenting – this is a partial list…
– Call attention to to good things your child does without evaluation or judgment.
– Don’t say how wonderful that child is, tell your child “you worked very hard and you solved the problem” – describe!! describe! This encourages the child to feel he is a competent, positive person who has abilities to succeed.
– Do not criticize children for their misbehaviors – this produces shame and humiliation which leads to feeling guilty.
– Try to hold your child’s self-concept in the palm of your hand and think of this to soothe the child and remind them that there are different ways to solve the problem. If they are upset, ask if their choice produced a good result or if they said or did something negative. Scolding and demeaning the child results in worse behavior and shame.
– Always show affection. Do not tie affection only to positive behavior of your child. This is love with no conditions approach. If a child makes errors, give them love and respect and ask them if they can think of a way to improve and support their budding thoughts on improvement in weak areas.
– Do not threaten your child or punish without thinking about logical or natural consequences. Kids should be informed abut consequences beforehand at a family meeting. Make a consequence list.
– Think of ways to improve all around good feelings in your home.
– Negative behavior is caused by frustrations.
– Give your child the ability to express his or her feelings no matter if they are positive or negative.
– Be reliable. Making empty promises is a no no!
– Always try to answer your child queries because they need your support. Don’t expect kids to have their answers ready made and on their own.
– Don’t argue or bicker with your partner in front of your child – the tension is awful for the child and kids can’t think through the meanings of your arguments. It scares them.
– Put controls on Internet, smart phones, tablets etc. – protect your child.
About Lori Denman-Underhill
