KID-EASE: How to coParent With An Uncooperative Ex

KID-EASE: How to coParent With An Uncooperative Ex

Welcome to KID-EASE, a caring advice column to help make your life easier as a coParent in dealing with the ups and downs of raising your child/ren in today’s family and world.

Dear KID-EASE: I found a story online, listing top strategies to coParent with an uncooperative ex. Tips included: be available, take care of yourself and speak nicely in front of the child. I’m not perfect but my schedule is open, i don’t talk bad about the other parent, etc. How can I get the other parent to conform to court orders at minimum and/or coParent when they feel they are superior? Thanks, Bob

Dear Bob,

I appreciate that you wrote about your difficulty coParenting with you ex-spouse. I’m a psychotherapist and not an attorney so I am not qualified to give legal advise about getting your ex to conform to court orders.

I would suggest that both you and your ex would benefit from some quality coParenting work with a child therapist who specializes in working with families of divorce. In this safe treatment room, you can learn to see what is best is having your kids see you both as parenting equals.

It is so important that the word “superior” is deleted – it only will serve to make you feel “less than” when you are doing everything possible to follow solid rules regarding how you refrain from negative talk with your kids about their mom.

If you could both come forward with the desire to have wholeness in your children’s hearts and have their internal parental images remain strong, then you both could learn together to live a healthy, coParenting and consistent life for the benefit of your children.

Just make sure you don’t visit a psychotherapist to dump negative feelings and avoid a solution based focus. Many divorced spouses think therapy is a place to share anger and tell tales on one another. This is a waste of your time and your money. You both can enter the therapy room with one idea only – positive coParenting equals healthy, happy and productive children.

And, as a side benefit, you will see your upset dissipate and find that are able to have more joy in your own life.

I hope my suggestion can shed a bit of light on a new path for growth.

Warmly,

Dr. Judy Bin-Nun PhD, LMFT, LPCC