Going through a divorce can be brutal, this we know. As you step through this process you may find yourself at a fork in the road, either let this divorce define you or leave yourself open to change. With kids in the mix, consider the ripple effect regardless of their age. Your children are watching and learning from you how to act/react when life happens and your
Here are a few ways to help that play out:
1. Get healthy, inside and out.
This checks off all sorts of boxes; sets a good example for the kids, exercise reduces stress, depression and helps with decreasing stress and anxiety levels. Consider some sort of therapy or counseling, the right professional will help you sort through it all and you through all the negative mental and emotional underpinnings of the separation and divorce process you are going through.
2. Be kind, be patient.
This means being kind and patient to yourself and everyone around you. Bite your tongue, control your temper, that means the kids, your co-workers and that guy trying to squeeze into your lane on the highway. Take up meditation, hit the gym or go for a run to blow off the steam.
3. Be open and in the moment.
This is a great opportunity for reinvention with your kids. Without the emotional crutch of a mom around to clean those boo-boo’s, kiss those tears away or make those braids, you may need to step up to the plate. Maybe this is new territory. You may feel like you are playing the role of mom, too. Regardless of how this makes you feel, you’ve just leveled up as a parent!
4. Set some goals.
By setting goals you can begin to track benchmarks that show progress. Showing progress and achieving goals in parts of your life will help you and illustrate to your kids the importance of self-discipline in daily life. Keep them healthy. Keep them attainable. And when possible consider including your kids, it may be a great way to become closer and build some memories.
5. Do right in relationships.
This also means the relationship with yourself, spend some quality time alone. Some guys may need to take a moment to learn to be happy alone. Until you are happy on your own, you won’t be truly happy with someone else.
Another relationship opportunity is with your ex. The first rule of thumb here is to keep the focus on the wellbeing of your kids. There’s important nuance on this one as there may be situations that feel like it is whether ‘you are right’ or you get your way or the other way around, but it is shifting the focus to ‘what is best for the kid’.
Be honest, stay positive, be open (your mind and ears!). This all reflects on the kids since they will all learn to do the same later in life.
When it comes to this process of reinvention, everyone has their own pace and their own path. It is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes, get back in touch with your old self, reevaluate things for the better and learn some things you didn’t know before.
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