coParents: Divorce and Learning From Others
Surprisingly, divorce or separation can be easier than you think if you’re willing to learn from other people’s mistakes.
As you embark on this journey, consider the following questions:
How many parents do you think have no regrets about how they approached their divorce?
If given the opportunity, how many people would have done things differently?
Do most people look back on their divorce and think they should have spent more money on lawyers, been angrier with their ex, or engaged in more conflict?
Why do people so often ignore the lessons from others’ mistakes and make decisions that negatively impact their future? Simple. When a parent operates from a position of anger or resentment, predictably, they disregard the indelible impact their decisions have on their children. No loving parent wants to inflict pain on their children, but they often unintentionally do just that.
The satisfaction a parent may experience through short-sighted decisions is no more than instant gratification — choosing that immediate sensation over the long-term consequences. Instead, consider a long view of what you want your life to look like.
Three, five, or ten years from now, do you want a life filled with:
- Conflict and animosity
- High-stress
- Regrets
Or, do you want to have a life in which:
- You can — if not be friends with your ex — at least be civil and cooperative
- Your actions and behaviors provide positive modeling for your children
- Your children are well-adjusted, happy and free of resentment because you acted in alignment with their interests and needs
About Mark Baer
