How soon is too soon? People have very different opinions and they seem to be skewed by how long your previous relationship was prior to separation and/or divorce. Some say six months while others stretch to a couple of years but understand the time ‘off’ is needed for your heart and head to mend, to grieve and to adjust to your new reality.
This is especially true with kids in the mix. Your children will go through their own grief and dealing with it on their timeline. It will happen at their pace and may take longer than both you and your ex, be aware of this.
The amount of time needed across genders, sexual orientation, and age, it is common for the spouse who left the relationship or initiated the separation or divorce to heal sooner than the one who was left. You can attribute that to the fact that the one leaving most likely started the grieving process sooner while in the relationship and dealing with the impending breakup.
This does not take into account other factors that may come into play; prolonged sickness, disability, accident, disease, death, drug abuse, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. These factor in and skew the time needed to heal.
So when we are asking: ‘when is it too soon’ to pursue a relationship, I would venture to say there is no such thing as too soon. The heart yearns for what the heart wants. Is your heart yearning for ‘want’? Is it yearning for the normalcy you once felt in a relationship? Or does it truly yearn for this other person, this other soul? The implication in this line of questions may help you realize what desire the heart is acting on. It may help you see what the motivations are.
In order to be emotionally healed, your heart needs to be healed. If you are pursuing a relationship so you can ‘get back’ to the life you had, that may not be right. Are you trying to recreate the intangible magic you once had with another partner? Do you often compare your new flame to your ex? Are you frequently bringing up your ex-spouse in conversation? If so, chances are you may not be completely healed.
In order to bring your best self to your next relationship, you need to allow yourself to keep growing. One of the best ways to enable this is to consider therapy. A well-trained therapist will provide the guidance needed to step through the pain and the grieving process to emotionally heal and grow.
When asking yourself, ‘is it too soon?’ consider your motivations, know your priorities and take it slow.
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