Everyday Challenges

Prior to heading to Tokyo to negotiate with Japanese customers, I attended a three-day class called Doing Business with the Japanese. During this time I learned an important tactic to use during negotiation with anyone – an ex, a lawyer, a boss. On the very first day, a woman walked into the conference room and […]

Negotiations are messy. It helps to have anchors—ways of grounding yourself. Two of the best are breathing and pausing. Breathing  Most of us pay little attention to our breath, except when we lose it. We usually breathe shallowly, just enough to fill our lungs. Breathing fully from our bellies helps us to maintain equilibrium. Breathing from […]

Summertime is here. It’s a fun but busy time of the year for families. Along with graduations and vacations, the most significant change is the children are out of school for the summer. The family’s normal routine will be disrupted. A change in the children’s schedule will likely cause changes to your normal custody schedule.  While […]

Many families are two-income households, so having or getting a job is not an issue. However, there are also plenty of families where one spouse is staying at home full-time or part-time to raise their family. Even if no kids are in the mix, there is a chance that the job you currently have is […]

Here is some helpful advice for the parents, family, friends and professionals in the lives of high conflict coParents. This advice will help everyone keep the situation child-centric. Parents: Remember that emotions are contagious. Make your best efforts not to expose your child to your intense anger, fear, hurt, sadness and other negative emotions about […]

Most of us acknowledge the importance of communication but find it difficult to practice — especially with our children. Put simply, they don’t often say what they’re really feeling. As Dr. Bingham Newman observes, “They’re more likely to tell the parents what they think the parent wants to hear.” To get the true picture, we […]

When you are taking on a negotiation, whether it be with another coParent, a mediator or lawyer, give yourself a practice run. Think of an upcoming business negotiation (or a past one), and write out a purpose statement for it. This should be concise, perhaps a paragraph long. It should set forth what you hope […]

In addition to anxiety and constant conflict, add to this Culture of Blame a child’s right to choose. More than ever before in history, children get to decide: what they wear, where they eat, how they spend their time – and with whom they spend their time. Society has changed. You can’t blame this on one […]

Many people use the terms “instinct” and “intuition” interchangeably. Others think of instinct as something we’re born with — a physical trait — and intuition as something more cerebral that develops with experience. The Latin root of intuition roughly translates as to look inside, or to contemplate. The Latin root of instinct is to incite […]

Following separation, a few people have top priority when it comes to attaining a stress free lifestyle – the children. Keeping them on course is important. coParenting After Divorce The parenting plan also accounts for the changes that occur with time. As time passes, your children get older. They change as they grow. Their needs […]

We fight for greater and greater independence, even as we yearn to be held tight and cared for. This is the essential tension that underlies all of human development and relationships. We want to emerge from the ocean as a drip, whole and separate, but we relish those moments when we are once again immersed. […]

As infants, we are everything. We are all-powerful and all-knowing, kings of the universe. Maturity is the relief of learning that this isn’t so. The constant, back-and-forth tension between holding tight and letting go serves a purpose. Two steps forward, one step back. Healthy human development is an excited and terrified, brave and embarrassed, determined […]

Duty parent responsibilities regarding your children’s friends’ birthday parties can be delegated, shared, or managed completely on your own. Helping children stay engaged with their friends during each parent’s residential time is good for kids. However disruptive or inconvenient, friends’ birthday parties often sprinkle across any number of weekends in the elementary school years. For […]

A mother screams at her ex-husband near their child, who sits quietly with her hands covering her ears. Emotions are contagious! The stronger the emotions, the more likely we are to catch them – good and bad. As human beings, we’re hard wired to be influenced by each other’s emotions. The closer the relationship, the […]

When possible and practical, negotiate in person.
 Much of human communication involves facial expression, body language, gestures, and other visual clues. The fewer of these you have to read, the more difficult a negotiation can become. Negotiating in person also gives you the opportunity to connect with your partner in ways that help you get […]